


Still Breathing

by Aubrie1234



Series: I Can't Hear A Sound On The Radio [2]
Category: Bandom, Green Day
Genre: Deaf Character, F/M, Fatherhood, Friendship, Marriage, Mostly in Billie's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 22:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18417485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aubrie1234/pseuds/Aubrie1234
Summary: Billie didn't want to be a father. He didn't think he'd be good enough, or something along those lines. Especially since he was deaf. Adrienne and his sons show him otherwise.





	Still Breathing

**1994:**

“I don’t know how to be a father! What if something happens and I don’t hear it? What if I’m just a bad father in general?” Billie was pacing the floor of the recording studio nervously. He’d hoped to see what Mike and Tré had to say about it, but with him moving so much, they couldn’t get a word in, “Why did Adie even _marry_ me? I can’t hear anything! I’m gonna be a horrible father!” His bandmates shared a look.

“Dude,” Tré grabbed Billie’s arm to get his attention, “She learned sign language just for you, she loves you. Besides, give yourself a little credit. I think you’ll be a great father.” He himself was getting better at signing to Billie but wanted to get his point across without making mistakes.

 _“He’s right.”_ Mike signed, causing Billie to have to focus more on his hands and less on his worry, _“You’ll be amazing if you give it a chance. Adrienne loves you and I’m sure she thinks the same thing.”_

“How can you be so sure?!” Billie panicked, moving away from them to pace again. The two sighed.

“Reassurance in general doesn’t work, signing doesn’t work...” Tré turned to Mike as he counted down the options on his fingers, “What else can we do?” Mike shrugged.

“Have Adrienne knock some sense into him, I guess. We could do the same thing, but I don’t think Adrienne wants Billie getting into trouble at the moment.”

“Good point. He could just need to take his anxiety meds, too.”

“Do _you_ wanna ask him about that?” Mike gestured to the pacing Billie.

“Hey, you’re his best friend, not me!” Tré put up his hands in a ‘stop’ gesture, as if saying that he wasn’t getting involved or it wasn’t his fault. The bassist rolled his eyes.

“Look,” Mike reasoned, “let’s just convince him to do a jam session with us. Making music always calmed him down before.”

“Alright.” And so they turned to get Billie’s attention again. They blinked and looked around when he was nowhere to be seen.

“Uh oh.”

* * *

Mike and Tré searched the studio high and low, but Billie wasn’t there, and so they tried looking for him outside. Adrienne was a nice girl, but she knew how anxious Billie was over all this and would have their hides if she learned that they’d lost him. To their relief, he’d just stepped out for a smoke and so they joined him. All was quiet for a moment.

“...Y’know, I can’t help but worry about all this with everything that’s happened to me.” Billie murmured, “I lost my father when I was ten. How can I be a father to my kid with the way I am? I’m a fucking punk rocker, that’s no father.” Mike nudged Billie to get his attention.

“Well, think about it. In a way, you still had father _figures_ in your brothers, right?” he said, “I mean, without them, you wouldn’t know punk music, or at least the vibrations. Everyone you know helped you grow up, but some did it more than others.” Billie blinked, then looked down, the cigarette held loosely between his fingers.

“I guess...” he muttered, “They also have their own families now, too. I could just ask them for advice.” Tré nodded and gave a thumbs up where the singer could see it.

“Exactly! I mean, some people aren’t as lucky as you are, they have to learn how to be fathers too, if in different circumstances.” Slowly, Billie nodded. He dropped the cig and stomped on it, smothering the flame.

“You’re right.” he affirmed, sounding confident, “I’m not in this alone, either. I gotta support Adie too, y’know?” He stepped forward and turned around so he could see both of his bandmates, “I’m gonna become the best father I can be!” Mike and Tré smiled and nodded. They were glad he had his confidence back, “And we’ve gotta work on our stuff for Woodstock, it’s comin’ up and I’m not gonna let our band be the one who don’t know their own songs, y’know? Let’s go practice!”

“Yes sir!” They all shared a laugh as they went back into the studio. They knew their songs so well, but it didn’t hurt to practice, especially since Woodstock was in a few days.

* * *

Billie laid awake in the darkness, unable to sleep. It had been over a month since he’d worried about being a father and for some reason the worries had come back. He hadn’t mentioned them to Adrienne, hoping they’d go away, but they didn’t and (he glanced at the clock, the numbers glowing and giving off a little red light) it was 1:05 in the morning. Billie sighed. He wasn’t going to get any sleep at this rate. He turned over and faced his wife, trying to see her features, but it was too dark to do so.

Would he _really_ be a good father? He hadn’t told Adrienne about what happened at the studio but he had the feeling she knew he was nervous about becoming a father. He didn’t want to wake her up, but he needed the reassurance.

“Adie?” he spoke softly, tapping her cheek. They’d come up with it quickly after they started sleeping together, as a way to let each other know they were there in the darkness, “You awake?” He felt her try to slap his hand away at first, but she eventually turned over from the incessant tapping. If he could see her, he could swear that she was giving him a dirty look for waking her up. She tapped his cheek to let him know she was listening. Billie laid back down, glad.

“Do you really think we can do this?” he whispered, “I know _you_ can, Adie, but am I good enough? Can I really be a good father?” It was too dark for him to see if she responded in any way, by lips or by hands, but then he felt a hand in his hair that gently tugged him forward to meet his wife’s lips and he knew her answer immediately. He smiled into the kiss and rested a hand on her expanding tummy, just hoping everything would be alright.

* * *

**1995:**

Billie found himself pacing a lot these days when he was anxious and he didn’t have an instrument to work with. First the studio, and now here, in the hospital. It had been a few hours ago and he’d wanted to call Mike and Tré, but without his hearing, he had no idea if they’d pick up or not. He found salvation in one of the nurses, who knew sign language and was kind enough to call his bandmates for him. He would’ve asked the nurses before but was uncomfortable revealing he was deaf, so he was glad for her assistance. Suddenly he paused in his pacing as a thought came to him.

 _What if my kid’s born deaf like me?!_ Billie had to take a seat in one of the chairs and tried doing deep breaths to calm himself. Panicking wouldn’t help Adrienne or anyone else one bit. And once he was calm enough, he put his head in his hands. It was because of this that he didn’t see the doctor approach and he only looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He recognized the man as one of the doctors that went with Adrienne to deliver the baby and he grew nervous again but tried to push it down. He was partially successful. It helped that the man wasn’t sure what to say, probably being told by the nurse that Billie was deaf. The singer smiled, trying to reassure the other man.

“It’s okay.” said Billie, surprising the doctor, “I can read lips if you don’t know sign language. It’s...not something I like to do, but it helps, y’know?”

“Ah, thank you.” The doctor put on his ‘professional’ face, as Billie thought of it, “Everything was fine. You can go see your wife now.” The man led the way to the room where Adrienne had been moved and the smaller man could feel his anxiety build with every step. When the doctor opened one of the doors, Billie swallowed and stepped inside. He didn’t step farther than the door, pausing as soon as he entered, staring at Adrienne and the little bundle she held in her arms. She looked up when she heard the door, either open or close Billie didn’t know, and lifted a hand to gesture for him to come closer. He did so, hesitantly and slowly, and took in the sight of their baby. It was a boy and he was small, reminding Billie of himself, and suddenly his eyes opened and gazed at the man in wonder. Billie smiled yet still held back until Adie took one of his hands and moved it towards their son, causing Billie to grow nervous for the umpteenth time. He was afraid that such a strange presence would cause his boy to cry and he wouldn’t know what to do, but instead the child reached out a small hand and wrapped it around one of Billie’s fingers. He hadn’t felt such a surge of happiness since he’d married Adrienne and he had a moment of confidence that he could do this, that he could be a great father.

If only it lasted.

* * *

Billie was always fearful that he’d accidentally hurt Joey. Hearing could tell you if something went wrong and gave you the change to react in time. He didn’t have that luxury and so had learned to observe others to see all the details. But doing it on a baby? That was like trying to see mating behavior in an unseen species of bird: virtually impossible. _Virtually_ , but not _completely_. That didn’t mean that Billie wanted to try doing it, though. However, Adrienne was having nothing of his ‘cowardice’ and was forcing him to spend as much time with Joey that he could (when he wasn’t working on his next album, of course, and she could tell when he was making excuses about it, so he couldn’t use it to get away unless he had good reason). She knew he was staying away not because he didn’t like his son but because he was stressing out over things involving Joey and thought that the best remedy to that was to spend time with his only son. Billie didn’t agree to this but knew she had a point and so tolerated it.

It was several months later, when Joey began to speak, that Adrienne thought it would be a good idea to also teach him sign language to help him talk with Billie. As said before, it was hard for him to see all the details about babies, and so he agreed, but he _didn’t_ agree to teaching Joey. Adrienne reasoned with him.

_“You know sign language better than me. You grew up with it, so you should be the one to teach him.”_

Adie had a point. Billie still didn’t like it. But that was how he found himself, playing with Joey and teaching him little bits and pieces of sign language, Adie in the kitchen. From what he could tell, it seemed like Joey was giggling, causing Billie to smile, even though Joey wasn’t signing back. He knew it would take a while for the boy to catch on, but he was hopeful. So far, nothing had gone wrong. He was being a good parent, even with his deafness. Maybe this wasn’t as hard or as bad as he thought it would be. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see Adrienne smiling at him. He smiled back and turned back to Joey.

“You know who this is?” he cooed, “Who is this?” He only expected Joey to speak, he didn’t expect the baby to lift his fist and bounce it against his chin as if to sign while saying it. It was close to the one-finger version where the pointer touched the chin and Billie turned to his wife, excited.

“He just signed Mama! Not perfect, y’know, but it’s his first sign!”

“That’s wonderful!” she said before hugging him. She pulled away to add, “Maybe he’ll start saying Dada soon.”

“I hope so...” Even if it wasn’t for him, Billie was glad that Joey was starting to not only speak but also use sign language. It meant that he didn’t have to be so worried about understanding his son anymore. He still worried, but he didn’t have to do it _as much_. Billie was beyond happy about this.

* * *

Adrienne stared at the grocery list with a frown, then turned to another list. She sighed and gathered up the stuff she’d need. Not only did she have to get groceries but she also had to stop by her workplace and drop off a few things. She couldn’t bring Joey with her this time, having an estimate of how long she was going to be gone in her head, and so she thought it was time Billie had a chance to babysit Joey. Alone.

A tap came to his shoulder. Instantly Billie’s eyes flicked away from the book and to Adrienne’s hands, but they were full, so he looked to her lips. She probably would’ve signed the next words if she could and he wished she did so that he didn’t have to see the look on her face. He didn’t like it, even though it was pitying and gentle. That never meant anything good.

“I need to go out for a while, so you need to keep an eye on Joey.” Billie paled. Adie gave him a kiss on the head, “You’ll be fine.” her lips said. Billie hoped she was right. He couldn’t help but watch her leave, a little nervous, and when she was gone, he turned his head to the nursery.

A pause.

“Why me?” he groaned, then got off the couch and went to the nursery. Without his hearing, he’d have to keep Joey in sight until Adrienne came home, and she hadn’t mentioned how long she’d be gone. In there, he found his son sleeping in his crib and Billie couldn’t help but smile. He sat down in the rocking chair that rested beside the crib and gazed down at his son. Joey seemed not to have changed at all since he’d been born but Billie knew otherwise. That didn’t mean he couldn’t think about how fast time would fly as Joey grew up, which he didn’t want to just yet. He laid back, his eyes on his son, and slowly, his eyes closed.

Billie was awakened as he felt something gently hit him on the chest. Blinking open his eyes, he felt something hit him again and looked down to find some of Joey’s foam blocks on the floor. He looked up to find the baby sitting in his crib, staring at him, and Billie blushed in embarrassment as he realized Joey had been trying to get his attention.

“Yeah, buddy?” Billie leaned forward and watched as Joey signed for ‘poop,’ which was where he put his fists on top of one another vertically and pulled them apart. Of course, in the perfect way the thumbs would be up, but it was close enough.

“Okay, I’ve gotcha.” He picked up the baby and moved to the other side of the room, where there was a table to do diaper-changing. He wrinkled his nose at the smell and wished that, instead of deafness, he couldn’t smell. He knew there was a technical term for it but had no idea what it was.

“Hold still.” Billie spoke when he saw Joey begin to squirm. And as he saw the baby’s face begin to scrunch up and frown, Billie panicked a little. He wouldn’t hear the crying but that didn’t mean he wasn’t insensitive to it, “Ah, don’t cry, please! Your mom would skin me alive!” Even though he may not have completely understood Billie’s words, Joey did laugh at the look on his father’s face. The singer sighed in relief and continued changing the boy’s diaper.

“Thank goodness for disposable diapers.” Billie murmured as he threw away the offending thing into the trash can beside the table, grabbing a fresh one from a small basket, “You have no idea how lucky you are to have these, y’know?” Joey blinked. Billie continued on, “Cloth diapers were nice at home, but not when you had places to go, y’know? And they took a while to clean. There.” Billie picked up his son and laid him against his chest, “What do you wanna do now?” Joey gave a gurgle. Billie couldn’t understand a word even if he could hear and so he decided to see if Joey wanted to try to walk yet. To his surprise, Joey did and really enjoyed it, even if Billie couldn’t let him stand on his own just yet. He looked up from his playing to see Adrienne in the door, a smile on her face as she tapped her foot. Usually, to any other husband, this would be disastrous news. A tapping foot was _never_ a good thing. However, because of Billie’s deafness, he always had his shoes and socks off in the house or even onstage to help him feel vibrations, and Adrienne knew this. It was another way how she and Billie communicated with each other when they couldn’t see, such as getting his attention.

“You’re home.” Billie said, putting down Joey and letting the baby sink to the floor so that he didn’t hurt himself by walking, “How did it go?”

 _“Well.”_ signed Adie, walking over and giving a kiss, _“How was Joey?”_

“An angel. He can sign ‘poop’ now, if that’s any good. He’s also trying to learn to walk.”

 _“I’d say that’s wonderful.”_ Adrienne picked up their son and had to switch to speaking, “If you want, you can go back to your book now.”

“Nah.” Billie gave her a kiss on the cheek, “I think I like spending time with you guys a little better.” Billie could tell Adrienne laughed by how her shoulders shook, as well as by the smile on her face. He smiled back.

* * *

**1996:**

_Scribble scribble scribble scriscriscribble scribble scriiiiii-_

_SNAP_

Billie stared at his pencil, then at the paper in front of him. Apparently, he’d been handling it so aggressively that it finally broke off the tip. He growled and reached for another pencil. At the moment, he was mostly frustrated with himself. For all the beauty of their marriage, he’d gotten into a fight with Adrienne and was now trying to blow off steam away from her and Joey, not wanting to get his son or anyone else involved. That was why he was at the studio at the moment, writing song after song after song, which he supposed could go on their new album, but only _after_ he’d made up with Adie. He could remember why they’d had the fight, but being so close to losing her made him think twice. They’d only hit a rough patch, that’s all, all couples had it, and yet he couldn’t help but feel on the verge of panic thinking about them possibly breaking up. He couldn’t do that to her, to Joey. He may have said that ‘I love you’s weren’t enough anymore, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t express their love in other ways.

Billie sighed and put his head in his hands. It was times like this that his personal silence was killing him. What he wouldn’t _give_ to be able to hear for once, especially his own music. And if he heard voices, there was no way for anything to drown them out because of his deafness. His head shot up when he felt vibration under his toes and he looked around. It could be a passing car, and with nothing to see, he looked down at the paper again.

_Now I cannot speak, I've lost my voice_

_I'm speechless and redundant_

_Cause ‘I love you’’s not enough_

_I'm lost for words_

It sounded like such a sweet chorus out-of-context, but in reality it wasn’t. The man sighed again.

“I’m sorry, Adie.” he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He turned around again when he felt more vibration, closer this time, and somehow wasn’t surprised to find his wife standing in the doorway, their one-year-old sleeping in the baby basket carrier she held under one arm. Her eyes, though previously hard, were now soft. She put down the carrier and walked over to him. Billie tensed, expecting the worst, and he certainly didn’t foresee getting a hug, but when he got it, he immediately hugged back. When she pulled away, he let her have his stool and pulled another over. As he did so, Adrienne looked over the songs he’d written in his frustration.

“ _The Grouch_ , _Redundant_ , _Scattered_ , _Worry Rock_ , _Jinx_.” Billie listed off, “They’re not explicitly about us, but I made them all out of that frustration, mainly _The Grouch_ and _Redundant_. I’m planning on putting them on the next album, but only if you’ll forgive me for what happened. I’m so sorry, Adie.”

 _“I can tell.”_ she signed, _“I forgive you, Billie. Joey was looking for you all day and I know you didn’t mean it.”_

 _“You don’t deserve me.”_ He'd switched to signing, _“I’m the worst person ever.”_

 _“No you’re not. You just need a little help.”_ Adrienne paused for a moment, her fingers frozen in midair, then she began to sign more, _“I hope this isn’t the end for us, Billie. I still love you.”_

 _“I love you too. Could we kiss?”_ He was answered when she nodded and they shared a small, emotional kiss. Pulling away, their eyes met and Billie could’ve sworn that the old spark flared up again, brighter this time.

“After all this, being so close to losing you, it made me realize how much you mean to me.” Billie spoke, “Is there anything you want me to do to make it up to you?” Adie blinked, then seemed to think about it.

“Maybe not right now.” she said, “Right now, Joey and I need you. Maybe I’ll ask something later, but all I want right now is you.”

“Okay, Adie.”

* * *

**2001:**

Billie felt like he was finally getting the hang of things. Joey at six, Jakob at two (he’d be three in a few days), and things were going great, even if Green Day albums were in decline. He may have toured a lot, but he always felt like he was never away from his sons for too long. He was finally in the groove of being a good father, though he did notice that the boys sometimes forgot he was deaf. That was okay, it was natural for even Adrienne, Mike, and Tré to forget, but he got the impression that his sons were pushing themselves to not forget. Did they feel guilty about speaking to him when he couldn’t see them and understand? He didn’t know why they would, but that was the impression that he got.

“Dad!” They were lucky he was looking to the doorway when they ran in, but as they babbled to him, he had to flick his eyes between them and still couldn’t quite understand what they were saying.

“-could we-”

“-Joey said-”

“-it’s so-”

“-cool and-”

“Hold it!” Billie held up his hands so that they’d calm down. Jakob may have been only two and Joey was six, but they could be the death of him in an instant if they wanted to, he was sure. Then, like a few other times, he thought he saw guilt flit across their faces, but it was gone as soon as it had arrived so he couldn’t be sure. Billie went on, “Okay, one at a time. Jakob, you first.” And so Billie listened to their requests. They were hoping to go to the beach for the day and Adie had agreed, but only if Billie also went along with it. The man smiled.

“Of course I will. Maybe we can make this a family outing sometimes.”

“And can Uncle Mike and Uncle Tré come along?” Joey asked. Now, the singer hadn’t really thought of them, since they had their own lives, but he didn’t think they’d mind for a day.

“Sure, I’ll ask them and see if they wanna come.”

“YAY!” And the boys were gone again. Billie shook his head. He knew he was that energetic once and still was (to an extent), but he was still impressed at their energy. And so he went off to Mike’s and Tré’s houses to ask if they wanted to come. Much to his surprise, neither of them went. Tré had to stay home to take care of Frankito, seeing as his son was still so young, and Mike was trying to make some headway in getting custody over Estelle again, so Billie left them be. His sons were a little disappointed that their uncles couldn’t come but it seemed that they understood. As the boys played in the water, Billie and Adie sat on the shore, not too far away and keeping an eye on the two. Even though Joey and Jakob were young, Billie thought that, as long as they were watched over, they were entitled to have some fun alone.

Billie blinked and looked over at Adrienne when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Her eyes were on the boys, but she clearly wanted to speak to him for a moment.

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering,” Adie glanced at Billie before focusing on the boys again, “Have the boys been signing with you often?” Billie shrugged.

“Not a lot, but they’re trying, I think.” Billie glanced at the boys again, watching how they splashed water at each other before looking back at Adrienne, “I know they’re working hard to remember I’m deaf, Adie, but give them a little time. They’re just kids.”

“I know, but I don’t want you to feel like you haven’t been teaching them well.” Billie smiled.

“It’s fine. When I was about their age, I knew little to no sign language, mainly because no one else I was close to knew it. I had to teach it to myself and learn how to speak with a little help from my family, but I was mostly on my own until Mike came along. He took the time to learn sign language with me and that was one of the reasons why we became so close.” Billie glanced at the boys again, seeing how they’d moved from the water to the sand, probably to build a sandcastle, “Sign language isn’t easy, even for people who seem to get it better than others. You know that.” Slowly, Adie gave a nod.

“You’re right. Maybe I should be a bit more lenient on the boys.” Billie smiled.

“Just give ‘em time, Adie.” Billie turned his attention back to the kids, patting her leg to let her know he was taking over watching them.

Suddenly, a shiver shot down his spine. He didn’t know how but he got the feeling something terrible was going down elsewhere. They’d just arrived early to get a good spot on the beach but Billie knew they wouldn’t be staying much longer.

* * *

**2005:**

After the release of _American Idiot_ , they were supposed to be going on tour, and as Billie saw the list of dates, he paled. They were basically going to be running through the whole year and he didn’t know if he’d get a chance to see his family for a long while. He didn’t feel very good about this. On one hand, the fans would all be excited to hear the new album live. On another, he’d be missing his family for at least half the year. Billie couldn’t see a compromise between these, with the exception of the new video phone software that’d allow him to talk with his family. He wasn’t exactly the best at technology, but made himself work with the software to be able to use it well so that he could sign with his family. Joey and Jakob were getting better and were also being more mindful to use signing when he was around, it seemed. They didn’t have to, but they kept doing it and Billie didn’t correct them. He found it a little impressive with how much effort they were putting into it.

The one bad thing about the video phone was that he’d have to concentrate on the screen so that he could see them speak and not get distracted. Vibrations didn’t work here. He just wished that it did vibrate to tell him to look at it. As it was, he was talking with his family, signing slow enough for the boys to keep up.

 _“Everything’s fine.”_ they signed, _“Worry about your tour instead.”_

 _“You know I can’t do that.”_ signed Billie.

 _“You worry too much.”_ Billie gave them a look.

 _“They’re not wrong.”_ Adie added.

 _“Not you too!”_ Billie exclaimed, exaggerated hand movements included. His family was ganging up on him! They all seemed to be laughing on the other side of the line from the look on his face. Billie rolled his eyes.

 _“Anyway, I love you. Stay safe.”_ he signed.

 _“You too.”_ Then the connection was cut. Billie closed the laptop with a sigh. He really did hope that nothing bad would happen to them while he was away. After all, Joey was just ten and Jakob was six, seven in a few months. This caused him to wonder if he’d miss his son’s birthday while on tour.

 _I can’t miss his birthday!_ Billie fretted mentally, then reached for the list of dates for the tour. To his relief, there was a small break between dates that would give him time to catch a plane to be there for Jakob’s birthday and then right back for the next tour date. He started when he felt tapping on his shoulder and turned to find Mike there. The one problem with buses and being deaf: the vibration of the bus usually masked people walking up on you. He hated that.

“Yeah?”

“We’re almost in London.” They’d started the tour in a different part of England and were making their way towards London with shows in between, “How was the family?” Mike took a seat on the couch beside his best friend. Billie shrugged.

“Good, I guess. The boys are getting better at signing.” Billie showed him the paper, “At least I’ll have time to head back for Jakob’s birthday.”

“I’d say that’s great, considering our tour schedule.” Mike agreed, then glanced to Billie, “Do you think you’ll be okay with all this?” Billie blinked.

“What do you mean?”

“We haven’t been on a tour this long before. Aren’t you a little worried about your… _condition_ slipping out?” Billie frowned.

“Dude, every day I expect the news to go into a frenzy over it. Having a longer tour doesn’t worry me, y’know?”

“I get it, I’m just a little worried for you.” Billie smiled.

“It’s okay.” He gave the bassist a hug, “Thanks for worrying about me.”

“No prob, BJ.”

* * *

**2013:**

Billie found himself pacing the living room of his house. It was the day of Joey’s graduation and he was nervous. He never went to any parent meetings with his sons because he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes on the speaker and understand what they were saying. It had been almost three years since the world had learned of his disability and he still didn’t go. However, since this was graduation, he had no choice but to go or he wouldn’t see Joey graduate. He certainly didn’t want to miss that. He lifted his head from the floor when he felt the familiar vibration of tapping feet and saw Adrienne in the doorway. She was dressed to the nines like himself and was giving him a look.

 _“Listen.”_ she signed, _“Why don’t I just translate everything for you?”_

 _“I don’t wanna impose that on you, Adie.”_ Her nickname was spelled with an A and ‘all,’ which was where he circled his hand with the other before slapping the back of one against the palm of the other. Her full name was similar, using A and ‘alleviate,’ which was composed of a small pushing motion downward as if to breathe in/out and then his right hand pushed down.

 _“It’s fine.”_ Adrienne shook her head, _“Just do your best.”_

 _“How can I? I can’t even hear!”_ Billie’s hands shook in frustration even as he signed the words. It took Adrienne a moment to understand him and when she did, she went over and hugged him.

“You’ll be fine.” she said when she pulled away, “It doesn’t matter to Joey if you can’t hear or not, only that you’re there.”

“I know, but it’s more than that.” He blinked away tears to his eyes, “You don’t know how important this is. I never finished high school, I dropped out for the band, and so I’m proud of him for being able to do something I couldn’t.”

“You could go back to school.” Adrienne smiled. Billie smiled back. He felt better after the confession.

“Maybe, but I don’t think my punk rocker lifestyle has any room for studying. And at least he has a father to watch him succeed.” Billie looked down, a little guilty, “I missed him after he died, Adrienne, and I never blamed him for it. I just wish he could have been there.” Adrienne had his raise his head again to see her speak.

“Well, I’m sure he’s still in your heart and watching you grow up. You may not have finished high school, but he watched you make the band and I think he’s proud of it, wherever he is.” She tugged on his hands, “Now c’mon or we’re gonna be late.”

* * *

Past the seats where family members sat, past the area where the graduates were, there was a large screen that helped project the proceedings better to those in the distance. Billie was glad of this, but it still didn’t give him too good of a view to read the director properly and so Adrienne still communicated the words to him. And when it came time to summon the graduates to get their diplomas, Adie pointed to the names on the list they’d been given at the door Joey, with his last name being Armstrong, was one of the first to get his diploma, and both his parents and his little brother clapped for him. Billie couldn’t be prouder for what his son had accomplished. This wasn’t the biggest surprise of the day, however.

That night, after graduation finally ended, Joey had asked if they could stop by Mike’s house for a moment. Billie didn’t see any reason why they couldn’t, but upon arrival, the boys asked their parents to stay in the car before rushing inside. The two adults shared a look, Billie turning on the inside car light so that they could talk.

“What do you think they’re up to?” he asked. Adie shrugged.

“Maybe they’ve got a surprise for us.” she said, but there was something about the look on her face that told Billie that she knew _exactly_ what was going down. He raised an eyebrow before looking back at the building. Joey peeked his head out, still dressed in his graduation robes, and gestured for them to come in. They did so, Adrienne going in first, and when Billie went in, he frowned. It was completely dark, a deaf man’s worst nightmare (unless he was also blind), and he didn’t dare step in any more, standing in the doorway, apprehensive. But then his hand was taken and he was dragged into the darkness, the door closing behind him. Billie gasped and tried to tug away, surprised when he was let go and fell against the door. Then the lights came on and he was blinded for a second, but when he could see again, he saw his family and his friends.

“What the-? It’s not my birthday!”

 _“It’s my after grad party.”_ Joey admitted, _“It’s also a surprise for you.”_ The boy (no, _man_ , Billie corrected himself) stepped forward and the singer was forced to look up into his son’s brown eyes, so much like his mother’s own.

“Look at my hands, Dad. This is something important I wanna show you.” And Billie did so, watching Joey’s hands at they signed at the level of his chest, _“I know this may not seem like much, but Jakob and I always tried to remember to sign for you because we knew you couldn’t hear, but sometimes we just forgot because you always responded like you could hear. We’ve been practicing a lot, and I just wanted to say that...”_ Joey took a deep breath, even though he wasn’t to speak, _“You’re the best Dad ever and growing up with a deaf father was just as great and amazing as having one that could hear.”_ Billie blinked. He blinked again. Joey realized he was trying to blink away tears. The older of the two sons enveloped his father in a hug. Billie hugged back.

“You’re too sweet.” he whispered, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course you do.” Joey said when he pulled away, “You’re my Dad.”

“And I guess that means I can do anything, huh?”

“You always do anyway.” Billie gave a snort.

“Point taken.” He put an arm around his taller son, “Then let’s start this party.” Joey nodded and Billie couldn’t help but feel like he had finally become a good father (not to mention a husband, he noted as he glanced at Adie). He’d always been afraid he wouldn’t be a good father, that he wouldn’t be able to help his sons grow up because he couldn’t hear them, but it seems he’d been set to be proven wrong. Joey had graduated high school and Billie could tell that there were stirrings of music in his blood, not to mention Jakob’s. If they wanted to become musicians or anything else they wanted to be, Billie didn’t doubt that they’d be able to accomplish it.

Even though this hectic journey to be a father hadn’t ended just yet, at least he was still breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> You guys thought I wasn't going to do anything else with Deaf!Billie, huh? I did too, but then I got inspiration for this story and then another one I'm trying to write right now. After that, I don't know if they'll be any more stories for this AU. But I hope you guys like it as much as I do.
> 
> Again, I got a bit of this material from Wikipedia and an ASL dictionary, so if there's something wrong, tell me and I'll fix it. Also, may be OOC, but I think it turned out well.


End file.
